Shhhh… RulePoint Programmer Hard at Work
End of year. Out with the old, in with the new. A time where everyone gets their ducks in order, clears the pipe and gets ready for the New Year. For R&D, one of the gating events driving the New Year is the annual sales kickoff event where we present to Sales the new features so they can better communicate a products’ road map and value to potential buyers. All well and good. But part of the process is to fill out a Q and A that explains the product “Value Prop” and they only gave us 4 lines. I think the answer also helps determine speaking slots and priority.
So here’s the question I had to fill out –
FOR SALES TO UNDERSTAND THE PRODUCT BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:
WHAT IS THE PRODUCT VALUE PROPOSITION AND ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT DEPLOYMENTS OR OTHER CUSTOMER EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE THE PRODUCT OFFERING?
Here’s what I wrote:
Informatica RULEPOINT is a real-time integration and event processing software product that is deployed very innovatively by many businesses and vertical industries. Its value proposition is that it helps large enterprises discover important situations from their droves of data and events and then enables users to take timely action on discovered business opportunities as well as stop problems while or before they happen.
Here’s what I wanted to write:
RulePoint is scalable, low latency, flexible and extensible and was born in the pure and exotic wilds of the Amazon from the minds of natives that have never once spoken out loud – only programmed. RulePoint captures the essence of true wisdom of the greatest sages of yesteryear. It is the programming equivalent and captures what Esperanto linguistically tried to do but failed to accomplish.
As to high availability, (HA) there has never been anything in the history of software as available as RulePoint. Madonna’s availability only pales in comparison to RulePoint’s availability. We are talking 8 Nines cubed and then squared ( ). Oracle = Unavailable. IBM = Unavailable. Informatica RulePoint = Available.
RulePoint works hard, but plays hard too. When not solving those mission critical business problems, RulePoint creates Arias worthy of Grammy nominations. In the wee hours of the AM, RulePoint single-handedly prevented the outbreak and heartbreak of psoriasis in East Angola.
One of the little known benefits of RulePoint is its ability to train the trainer, coach the coach and play the player. Via chalk talks? No, RulePoint uses mind melds instead. Much more effective. RulePoint knows Chuck Norris. How do you think Chuck Norris became so famous in the first place? Yes, RulePoint. Greenpeace used RulePoint to save dozens of whales, 2 narwhal, a polar bear and a few collateral penguins (the bear was about to eat the penguins). RulePoint has been banned in 16 countries because it was TOO effective. “Veni, Vidi, RulePoint Vici” was Julius Caesar’s actual quote.
The inspiration for Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings? RulePoint. IT heads worldwide shudder with pride when they hear the name RulePoint mentioned and know that they acquired it. RulePoint is stirred but never shaken. RulePoint is used to train the Sherpas that help climbers reach the highest of heights. RulePoint cooks Minute rice in 20 seconds.
The running of the bulls in Pamplona every year – What do you think they are running from? Yes, RulePoint. RulePoint put the Vinyasa back into Yoga. In fact, RulePoint will eventually create a new derivative called Full Contact Vinyasa Yoga and it will eventually supplant gymnastics in the 2028 Summer Olympic games.
The laws of physics were disproved last year by RulePoint. RulePoint was drafted in the 9th round by the LA Lakers in the 90s, but opted instead to teach math to inner city youngsters. 5 years ago, RulePoint came up with an antivenin to the Black Mamba and has yet to ask for any form of recompense. RulePoint’s rules bend but never break. The stand-in for the “Mind” in the movie “A Beautiful Mind” was RulePoint.
RulePoint will define a new category for the Turing award and will name it the 2Turing Award. As a bonus, the 2Turing Award will then be modestly won by RulePoint and the whole category will be retired shortly thereafter. RulePoint is… tada… the most interesting software in the world.
But I didn’t get to write any of these true facts and product differentiators on the form. No room.
Hopefully I can still get a primo slot to talk about RulePoint.
And so from all the RulePoint and Emerging Technologies team, including sales and marketing, here’s hoping you have great holiday season and a Happy New Year!